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Day 3 - Anxiety & Creativity

Yes, I remember what I said yesterday-- That I'll focus on step #2 of Adams' Goal Commitment Process today.. But this is an emergency!

I'm supposed to be producing at least one image a day, yes? Well, I did, but as a result, I'm experiencing these all-too-familiar anxieties and frustrations (The Nothing seemed to be making a move on me). See why this is a plan-altering kindof situation?

As I finished sketching today's random topic (which was "Injured"), I became frustratingly unhappy with what I was looking at. I felt the hate of a low-level pvp player running for his life while the opposite faction's most eager "heroes" chased after him through 5 different maps.
All I wanted to do was drown in tears and scream, but I also felt the fear of quitting again.

So I decided to google (don't laugh)  "How to deal with the frustration of drawing badly".  I skimmed through a few posts of "don't compare yourself to others", and "think fun" (nothing I haven't heard or done before).
One search lead to another, until I found a post published by artist John P. Weiss, titled:



Weiss wrote about a few inconclusive studies/news articles which highlight a link between creatives, anxiety, depression, or mental illnesses, and that they should be seen as a signal for improvement rather than failure.

I would like to mention that I don't suffer from a mental illness, but anxiety and depression are no strangers to me (not every depressed person has a mental illness). This topic is not exactly what I was looking for when I googled in despair, it is however something that I definitely experienced way too often.

Weiss' two cents really got me ready for battle (somehow):
If you want to keep growing artistically, get comfortable with anxiety. Stop playing it safe. Throw yourself in the white water rapids of creativity. Cast a broader view. Study styles and approaches outside your wheelhouse. Adopt some unexpected changes. See what happens.

And his conclusion:
That’s the price of admission. If you’re a creative person, sooner or later, anxiety will come knocking on your studio door. When she does, invite her in. Play some music and ask her to dance.
No doubt she danced with Van Gogh. She’s clearly spending evenings with Jim Carrey. I suspect she’ll be calling on you soon. Go ahead and dance with her. It’s how you’ll reach new heights of creative growth.

Wait.. what? Jim Carrey paints!


Today's Sense-of-Accomplishment To-Do List

  • Create a page for your S.M.A.R.T.E.R. goal check-list
  • Review (with today's experience in mind)
  • Improve with my ready-for-battle stance
  • Dance with Madame Anxiety (sketch one more time today)


Resolve & Outcomes

The insecurities and frustrations due to the obvious lack of practice were very much there, but I tackled my demons and embraced the feeling of 4 level 110 warriors chasing after me for a good 3 minutes before inevitably catching up and putting an end to my sorry existence .. (I sketched).

The outcome was ok. I feel accomplished and glad. Thank you John P. Weiss.

I'm going to regret sharing my sketch, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Injury

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