Skip to main content

Day 3 - Anxiety & Creativity

Yes, I remember what I said yesterday-- That I'll focus on step #2 of Adams' Goal Commitment Process today.. But this is an emergency!

I'm supposed to be producing at least one image a day, yes? Well, I did, but as a result, I'm experiencing these all-too-familiar anxieties and frustrations (The Nothing seemed to be making a move on me). See why this is a plan-altering kindof situation?

As I finished sketching today's random topic (which was "Injured"), I became frustratingly unhappy with what I was looking at. I felt the hate of a low-level pvp player running for his life while the opposite faction's most eager "heroes" chased after him through 5 different maps.
All I wanted to do was drown in tears and scream, but I also felt the fear of quitting again.

So I decided to google (don't laugh)  "How to deal with the frustration of drawing badly".  I skimmed through a few posts of "don't compare yourself to others", and "think fun" (nothing I haven't heard or done before).
One search lead to another, until I found a post published by artist John P. Weiss, titled:



Weiss wrote about a few inconclusive studies/news articles which highlight a link between creatives, anxiety, depression, or mental illnesses, and that they should be seen as a signal for improvement rather than failure.

I would like to mention that I don't suffer from a mental illness, but anxiety and depression are no strangers to me (not every depressed person has a mental illness). This topic is not exactly what I was looking for when I googled in despair, it is however something that I definitely experienced way too often.

Weiss' two cents really got me ready for battle (somehow):
If you want to keep growing artistically, get comfortable with anxiety. Stop playing it safe. Throw yourself in the white water rapids of creativity. Cast a broader view. Study styles and approaches outside your wheelhouse. Adopt some unexpected changes. See what happens.

And his conclusion:
That’s the price of admission. If you’re a creative person, sooner or later, anxiety will come knocking on your studio door. When she does, invite her in. Play some music and ask her to dance.
No doubt she danced with Van Gogh. She’s clearly spending evenings with Jim Carrey. I suspect she’ll be calling on you soon. Go ahead and dance with her. It’s how you’ll reach new heights of creative growth.

Wait.. what? Jim Carrey paints!


Today's Sense-of-Accomplishment To-Do List

  • Create a page for your S.M.A.R.T.E.R. goal check-list
  • Review (with today's experience in mind)
  • Improve with my ready-for-battle stance
  • Dance with Madame Anxiety (sketch one more time today)


Resolve & Outcomes

The insecurities and frustrations due to the obvious lack of practice were very much there, but I tackled my demons and embraced the feeling of 4 level 110 warriors chasing after me for a good 3 minutes before inevitably catching up and putting an end to my sorry existence .. (I sketched).

The outcome was ok. I feel accomplished and glad. Thank you John P. Weiss.

I'm going to regret sharing my sketch, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Injury

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 13 - Last Post

So... You see.. I decided that I really like blogging, which lead me to realizing, maybe I should do it for a living? So, I started learning from other bloggers, and from what I found, oh my gosh! I've been doing it all wrong. First off, the writing. I don't use any power-words. I use "so", "it" and "well" too often. I also word-poop a lot. Secondly, I talk about myself all the time. Heck, the whole blog is about me. The reader is non-existent (sorry guys). Last but not least, I tried to post every single day. Huge mistake! No wonder I ran out of material. To be honest, however, I did do the right thing by taking a step backward instead creating empty/useless posts just to meet my ridiculous quota. So... (yes I used it again, hard habit to break), with this being said, this is my last post here. I'll be starting a blog for illustrators / designers, and there I'll be focusing on methods that can help us  stay motivated and pr...
Post a Comment
Read more

Day 11 - Because I Already Found Mojo

Rendering an apple - Another "comparing" exercise Last Saturday, I decided not to blog over the weekend in order to reflect about what I should be writing. That however escalated into a relapse where I started ignoring my new ways completely. I didn't paint or write until today. " The Nothing " had befallen me again, which is making me sad and anxious. I'm not really sure what happened, and I even went through the techniques I learned to figure out what I was doing and why. I did not like the answers. I'm just bored of it all. I doubt this has anything to do with depression, but I'm positive that it will be the case if this continues. I started this blog as a means to regain mojo, and I believe I found plenty— I learned a couple of life-hacks to free myself of "Nothing", I painted daily (and enjoyed it), and I was facing the demons that came along the way. So why did I relapse? Just boredom? Fear? One thing is certain, my blo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Day 8 - Back To Basics #1 (Shapes)

I didn't manage to fall asleep until 3am this morning, but in my defense, I wasn't stalling or using technology. I just failed to sleep (and that's probably a result of the endless sleep procrastination cycles I subjected myself to over the years) :-( In any case, no point dwelling on failures when I'm in the process of correcting them. I decided that today's method will be to review parts of the material and exercises I learned while attending an Imaginism workshop years ago. I'll be going over my notes about planes light & shadows how to render basic shapes and I'll be blogging in the meantime. So let's go. I've reviewed these notes a million times over the years, but for some reason, I always end up forgetting some of the most important points. Warning! If you have no interest or experience in how to paint light and shadow, I suggest you skip the following list. Don't read it or you'll get bored and confused. I don...
Post a Comment
Read more